Well, hello there!

Hi. I am Anne, and I forgot that I had this blog. It’s been awhile. So much has happened since I set this puppy up! Starting over with this because there is so much to talk about. At any rate, I hope you are well, whoever and where ever you are.

This song.

Who do you love?

Who do you?  To me, humans are endlessly difficult and disappointing.  They are also amazing and lovable.  They are exhausting.  I am right about that if nothing else.

Suicide.

It happens.  I think about it a lot – the idea waxes and wanes with the years.  Clearly I haven’t made it a reality yet.  So many times it seems like the answer.  On the whole, it’s a ridiculous idea – we’re all going to die anyway, so why?  The why is a hard question to answer to many people, I think.  For me, it ends up being one answer:  I’m tired.

That’s it.

I could be a nurse.

I am, actually, on paper.  I have an RN, extant in both New York and Ohio.  As I say, on paper.  I got a good degree with good grades from a good institution.  Passed my boards with no problem.  The thing was – I loved my job at the time.  I would still love it if the job still existed, so I never actually practiced nursing.  Now I am in such a corner, at such a damned crossroads with regard to my life slash career…  I really could turn this blog into something if I could get past the block in my head, if only to tell my own ridiculous story!  Anyway, I don’t want to be a nurse.  There, I said it.  I did beautifully in clinicals with actual patients, and I am very engaged by medicine, especially of the infectious disease variety.  I could be a good nurse.  The thing is, though – I love plants.  I love agriculture.  I love being outside – I love trees and dirt and animals and working my ass off.  I love tractors and being muddy and working in the rain – and in the sun.  From what I have witnessed regarding the nursing culture?  No thank you.  I posted a simple question on a popular nursing message board and was piled on by all kinds of nurses in all kinds of ugly ways – over the topic of how nurses treat one another.  Answer enough in itself.  So.  I have been underemployed for nearly two years now – in ag and in a greenhouse setting – but you know?  I still want to do it.  Probably stupid.  Likely stupid.  It’s what I’m good at, though.  It’s what I’m passionate about.  It makes me not want to kill myself.  I suspect nursing would have me on the side of a tall bridge before very long.

So I guess we’ll see.  I’m supposed to start an RN to BSN program next month, and I have been laid off for the season at the job I care about.  Conundrum.

Meh.

My cat.

So, I’ll just go ahead and say it:  I’m a cat lady.  It’s true.  I only have a single cat, but I love him dearly.  The past two years of my life have been sort of disastrous and horrible in many ways; he has been my best buddy and my solid fuzzy rock.  He didn’t start out that way… he came to me through a car window in a grocery store parking lot (Shop Rite in New Paltz, NY!) from a friend who was overwhelmed by wildlife babies.  I told her I would take the tiny sick kitten she was also trying to care for.  He was about two and a half weeks old when I got him.  He weighed 8 ounces.  He had a severe respiratory infection, goopy eyes, and he was flea-ridden.  The vet told me she’d heard worse lungs, but not much worse.  Anyhow…  I told everyone I was just going to foster him and then find him a good home.  No one actually believed that tale but me.  Fast forward to today?  My baby is a luxurious four year old with thick, glossy black fur, a bright white badge on his chest… and a bum right eye, the leftovers of his kittenhood illness.  His doctor asked if I wanted her to remove the eye, but he still had vision in it – still does – it’s just cloudy.  And it tears – scarred tear ducts, I’m sure.  He is kind of a punk, but he is learning to be gentle, and if nothing else, he is a total mama’s boy… which is fine by me.  Right now I feel as though it’s me and him against the world.  I am so glad to have him by my side.  He’s a fighter – he never would have lived otherwise – so I will try to take that lesson from him.  My bub, my Remington.

Yes, a country song.

Yeah.

Well, then.

Here I am… brand new site! Whee! Or something along those lines, at any rate.

More later….

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